How God Renews Our Emotions

This is the second installment of a five-part series called "How God Renews Us."

In the last post, we learned that God wants to renew us into the image of Christ, beginning with our thoughts. Once our thoughts are renewed, our emotions and desires also will be renewed. What we think determines how we feel, and how we feel determines how we act. In the last post, we saw how God can change how we think. Now let's consider how God changes our emotions.

Many people think that emotions are uncontrollable. They say they can't help how they feel. Such people tend to think it is unhealthy to restrain their emotions. A humorous story illustrates this thinking. A man was strolling through a men's club and came upon three men and a dog playing cards. Pausing to watch, he asked, "Can that dog really play cards?" "You bet," answered one of the members. "That's incredible!" the man said. "Not really," another member shrugged. "He's really not that good. Whenever he gets a good hand, he wags his tail."

Some people think that it is either impossible or unhealthy to restrain their emotions, but James 1:19-20 says that we can and should keep our emotions under control: "Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, because our anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires" (TNIV).

Others go to the other extreme so that they suppress their emotions. Such people are uncomfortable with their emotions, so they deny them or ignore them. Many men, for example, were taught that it is a sign of weakness to show emotion. A characteristic of dysfunctional families is that they do not allow the honest expression of emotions. Such people who are afraid of their emotions are like Katherine Hepburn: A reviewer once said that her emotions ran the gamut from A to B. People who suppress their emotions live narrow, unexciting lives.

Jesus himself expressed his emotions, such as anger, joy, sadness, and weeping. Paul expressed honest emotions in his letters, such as frustration, affection, joy, and anger. Emotions in themselves are neither good nor bad. What we do with our emotions can lead to good actions or bad actions. How we let our emotions affect us can have good or bad consequences.

We should not freely express every emotion we feel nor should we deny the honest expression of emotion. Either extreme can cause psychological and spiritual damage. The ideal is to be free to feel and yet remain in control of our feelings (Hart, 1989).

Let's consider how we can transform destructive, damaging emotions into constructive, healthy emotions. We will illustrate the ABCDE Process of transforming our emotions by examining a case study from the Gospels. This process was developed by the cognitive therapist David Burns (1989), but it reflects Biblical principles. Jesus' parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30 shows how distorted thoughts lead to distorted emotions that can cause a person to act in unhealthy ways.

A = Adversity

The emotional process begins when an event occurs that upsets us, frustrates a goal, or makes life difficult. In Matthew 25:14-15, the emotional stimulus for the servant was being entrusted with a great deal of money by his master. He reacted to this responsibility with certain thoughts that triggered certain emotions.

B = Beliefs

We interpret events based on our thoughts, attitudes, and beliefs. Our assumptions about life, our image of God, our concept of self all determine how we explain the things that happen to us. Distorted thoughts and beliefs will lead to distorted interpretations and distorted emotions (Backus & Chapian, 1980). Accurate thoughts and beliefs will result in appropriate interpretations, emotions, and actions. The one-talent man in Jesus' story had inaccurate beliefs that caused him to act inappropriately. He assumed incorrectly that his master was harsh, and that misbelief paralyzed him with fear, and that distorted emotion of fear resulted in sloth.

C = Consequences

Our thoughts trigger a physiological reaction, which we call a feeling. The combination of thought and feeling makes an emotion (Hart, 1989). Our emotions then affect how we act.

Events do not lead directly to emotions. There is an intervening variable between the event and the resulting emotion, namely, the meaning we attach to the event. Our interpretation of what happens to us affects how we feel about it. The meaning we attach to an event results from our values, beliefs, attitudes, expectations, assumptions, and perceptions (Hart, 1989).

In other words, our thought life determines our emotional life. What we think about what happens to us determines how we feel and how we respond. Our thoughts, not external events, control our emotions. Our emotions are responses to our interpretation of events rather than to the events themselves. I would represent this chain of events this way.

Event > Interpretation/thought > Feeling/physical reaction > Emotion > Action

Here are some examples of how emotions result from thoughts (Burns, 1989). Sadness and depression result from thoughts of loss. Frustration results from unfulfilled expectations. Anxiety and panic result from thoughts of danger. Guilt results from self-condemnation. Inferiority results from thoughts of inadequacy. Anger results from thoughts of unfairness.

Philosophers have known for centuries that our thoughts control our emotions. In the second century, the philosopher Marcus Aurelius said, "If you are pained by an external thing, it is not this thing that disturbs you but your judgment about it" (Hart, 1989, p. 28).

Let's look at how each man in this story reacted to the same event. One man was given five talents, which he used to make five more talents. The man who was given two talents invested his money so that he made two more talents. But the man who was given one talent dug a hole in the ground and buried the money.

What caused the third man to act differently from the other two? When he is forced to give an account to his master, he reveals what was going on in his mind: "Master, I knew that you are a hard man, harvesting where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed. So I was afraid and went out and hid your gold in the ground" (Matt 25:24-25). His belief was that the master was harsh and unreasonable. Because of his misbelief about the master, the servant felt fear. His fear caused him to act cautiously and defensively so that he missed a great opportunity for more blessings.

Notice that the event itself did not cause his emotions. The other two men experienced the same event, but they interpreted it in a positive way as an opportunity to display their ingenuity and trustworthiness. These men acted differently because they felt differently, and they felt differently because they thought differently. It was the third man's thoughts that caused him to feel fear, not the adversity he faced.

D1 = Distraction

If we are experiencing harmful emotions because of distorted thinking, we can change them in one of two ways: distraction or disputation. Distraction interrupts the thought cycle that produces harmful emotions.

Our emotions can trigger more negative thoughts that produce more negative emotions. Archibald Hart (1989) calls this "emotional chaining," which escalates the severity of our emotional state. We must interrupt the process so that we can return to a state of calm and equilibrium. One way to do this is to divert our attention from the negative thoughts causing the negative emotions.

God has designed our minds so that they can focus on only one thing at a time. This is called the principle of selective attention or the cocktail party effect (Moray, 1987). For example, if you are in a room full of people, you cannot listen to more that one conversation simultaneously no matter how hard you try. Your brain can focus on only one stimulus at a time.

This principle explains how we can keep our minds from dwelling on negative thoughts. If we divert our attention to something else, we will stop thinking the negative thought. And when we stop thinking negative thoughts, we will stop feeling negative emotions.

D2 = Disputation

We can also change our emotions by intervening between the environmental input (what happens to us) and the emotional output (how we respond). Most negative emotions result from distorted thoughts. Our thoughts determine whether we will be happy or miserable, successful or a failure, composed or angry, relaxed or tense. We can attack our distorted beliefs and argue against them so that we will feel better.

Cognitive therapists have identified ten categories of distorted thinking: all-or-nothing thinking, overgeneralization, mental filter, discounting the positives, jumping to conclusions (mind reading and fortune telling), magnification or minimization, emotional reasoning, should statements, labeling, and personalization and blame (Burns, 1989, p. 96). If we identify these distortions, then we can replace them with more accurate perceptions of reality.

The misbelief of the fearful servant was that he thought his master was harsh. This distorted thought falls into the category of "overgeneralization." He should have replaced this distortion with a more accurate interpretation. Indeed, his master was harsh with those who deserve it. There is usually a smidgen of truth on which an overgeneralization is based. But the complete truth that he ignored was that, if he was faithful and put forth his best effort, his master would reward him. The other two men certainly did not think the master was harsh, and the master proved to be generous to them. The unfaithful servant focused only on the negative aspects of his master and discounted the positives, another category of distorted thinking. He thought he could read the mind of the master and that he could predict that things would turn out badly. His thinking was riddled with distortions, which caused him to feel fear.

E = Energization

If we replace our distorted thoughts with truthful, healthy interpretations of events, our emotions will change. Jesus describes the healthy response to events in John 13:17: "Now that you know these things, you will be blessed if you do them" (TNIV). Notice the sequence here. Jesus says that first we must know the truth. We must have healthy beliefs. We must think straight about reality. Then we must act appropriately based on those beliefs. Then, if we have right beliefs and right actions, our emotions will be blessed (Anderson, 1990). If we know the truth, we need to act on that knowledge no matter how we feel. Correct knowledge and correct actions will result in good emotions.

There are many things God wants us to do that we do not always feel like doing, but when we do them anyway, our feelings improve as a result. For example, I have heard people say that they did not feel like going to church on Sunday morning, but they went anyway, and they were glad they did. They knew the right thing to do and they did it, so their emotions felt better.

Test Case: Psalm 73

Psalm 73 provides another clear example of the ABCDE Process. The psalmist begins by ruminating on negative thoughts in verses 1 to 14. His thoughts center on envy of his enemies. He exaggerates the well-being of his enemies, magnifies his own troubles, and discounts his own blessings. Because of his negative thoughts, he feels negative emotions.

His thoughts reflect many of the classic distortion patterns. He reflects all-or-nothing thinking: "they have no pain" (v. 4, all quotes from NRSV). He overgeneralizes: "They are not in trouble as others are; they are not plagued like other people" (v. 5). He dwells on the negatives and discounts the positives: "All in vain I have kept my heart clean and washed my hands in innocence. For all day long I have been plagued, and am punished every morning" (vss. 13-14). He thinks he can read the minds of his enemies: "And they say, 'How can God know? Is there knowledge in the Most High?'" (v. 11).

Because of his distorted thoughts, he experienced many harmful emotions, including envy, hatred, anger, resentment, frustration, and discouragement.

But then the psalmist interrupts his emotional chaining in verse 15: "If I had said, 'I will talk on in this way,' I would have been untrue to the circle of your children." He pauses to consider the consequences of his beliefs. If he continued with his negative self-talk, he would have been a negative influence on the younger ones. His distorted beliefs were ruining his life and affecting the lives of others.

So how did he correct his negative thoughts? First, he distracted himself: "But when I thought how to understand this, it seemed to me a wearisome task, until I went into the sanctuary of God; then I perceived their end" (vss. 16-17). He put himself in a positive atmosphere where God could influence him. He tried to step back and examine his thoughts objectively to see how distorted they were.

Then he disputed his distorted beliefs. He realized that God would judge people according to their actions, so he could leave vengeance in God's hands (vss. 18-20). He reminded himself of the self-inflicted damage caused by his thoughts and emotions: "When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was stupid and ignorant; I was like a brute beast toward you" (vss. 21-22).

When we are obsessed with certain harmful thoughts or actions, it helps to perform a cost-benefit analysis to see the damage they cause. If the costs of those thoughts and actions outweigh the benefits, then the wise course of action is to stop them. The psalmist could see that his thoughts and emotions hurt him more than helped him, so he actively worked at changing them.

He displaced his negative thoughts with positive thoughts: "Nevertheless I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me with honor" (vss. 23-24). He restored his trust in God's care and protection.

These renewed, accurate beliefs led him to write some of the most moving words of praise in Scripture: "Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth I desire other than you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever" (vss. 25-26). When the writer began the psalm, these are the last words we would expect to hear from him, but because he corrected his negative thinking, he was able to praise and thank and bless God in the end.

Conclusion

Dr. Alfred Adler used to tell the story about a group of people who were crowded together, trying to sleep on the floor of a great auditorium during the war. One woman kept everyone awake with her pitiful cries, "Oh God, I'm so thirsty!" Finally, someone got up in the dark and brought her a glass of water. They could hear the woman gurgle the water down, and just when everyone thought they could finally get some sleep, the woman exclaimed, "Oh, God, how thirsty I was!" The woman could not stop dwelling on the negatives.

We can choose to focus on the negatives of life and interpret everything that happens to us in a negative way. Or we can respond to events with accurate perceptions and trust in God. How we think about what happens to us will determine how we feel.

Discussion Questions

1. What harmful emotion do you find difficult to control? In what ways does it harm you and others?

2. Why do people want to view emotions as uncontrollable?

3. How can you distract yourself from negative thoughts?

4. Which of the ten distorted thinking patterns do you have the most problems with? How can you correct it?

5. How much can you relate to the negative thoughts of Psalm 73:1-14? How can you avoid those negative thoughts?

Next Topic: "How God Renews Our Desires"

Sources:

Anderson, N. T. (1990). Victory over darkness: Realizing the power of your identity in Christ. Ventura, CA: Regal Books.

Backus, W., and Chapian, M. (1980). Telling yourself the truth. Minneapolis: Bethany House.

Burns, D. (1989). The feeling good handbook: Using the new mood therapy in everyday life. New York: W. Morrow.

Hart, A. D. (1989). Unlocking the mystery of your emotions. Dallas: Word.

Moray, N. (1987). Attention. In The Oxford companion to the mind. Oxford: Oxford University Press.